Getting My Husband to Lead

How do you get your husband to be the leader in the home?

(this topic was part of our Marriage & Family Series, on 7-14-13)

Unfortunately this is a very common question!  There are two major points I want to give anyone with this question:

First:  Talk to him!

Too many wives try to “get” their husband to do things. Wives need to sit down with their husbands and talk with them openly and directly.  Tell them what you desire to see them do.  That is a key way to respect them.

Start with describing your desire to be a good wife, and asking them what desires they have for the marriage.  If a man does not “desire” to be a Godly husband, they won’t be one!  Read the Ephesians 5 passage together, and explain you desire to be a submissive wife.  Ask “Could you help me respect you in that way, but taking on some leadership in ‘such-in-such’ area.  I desire to follow you in those areas.

Secondly, Let him lead

I believe that though the husband’s past upbringing has a huge part to play, there is a natural part of a husband that knows he needs to lead.  Other than his desire to live as God wants him to, the next reason why a husband does not lead is because the wife won’t let him lead!

Wives, if our husbands are not leading in our homes, first ask:  “Do I really want and desire my husband to lead?  Or do I want everything done my way?...”  Examine your hearts and actions—are we telling our husbands what to do?

If you do truly desire him to lead, then what should you do?  Well, do not put random marriage books around the house hoping he will read them?  And do not ask other people to talk to him?

The Answer is:  Let him lead.

Ask him to help with the decision on things in your marriage.  Some things might be:  discipline for kids, expenditures, Bible study, etc.  Be the helpmate and do what you can to help him.  Think of yourself as a “secretary” in that, if he has already expressed a desire to do something, help him to do it in a loving way, without being a “nag.”

Say to your husband here and there, “You just make the decision and I will respect it.”  And then REALLY respect his answer!  Use the words with your kids “Your dad made the decision, we need to respect it.”