Training Up Godly Children

Training Up Godly Children – “Building a Godly Quiver”

07-07-13

Introduction

Training up children is an extremely important topic to me.  Not only is education and discipleship is my passion, but I think we can trace the breakdown of our society to the disintegration of godly parenting.  Parenting is no doubt a challenging adventure.  But it also can be one of the most rewarding tasks we will ever seek to do.

I hope it is a foregone conclusion that YOU DESIRE to raise Godly children.  Proverbs is full of verses talking about what happens when you don’t train up your children well—how they become a great disgrace, burden, and sorrow for their parents.  Parents look back and ask why they didn’t dedicate more of their time earlier on to raising their children better.  Let’s do all we can to have no regrets in parenting our children.

CHILDREN ARE MEANT TO GROW IN STATURE

Luke 2:52 ESV - And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man.

1 Samuel 2:26 - Now the young man Samuel continued to grow both in stature and in favor with the Lord and also with man.

Jesus and Samuel were examples of how children surrounded by Godly instruction and guidance can grow.  But it doesn’t just happen.  It takes dedication and godly examples from their parents!  Why is good parenting such a big deal?  We can easily see form scripture how a child that grows to be destructive and rebellious is a serious thing: 

Deuteronomy 21:18-21 ESV - “If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones. So you shall purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

Please know that I am in NO way saying that this is God’s command for us today.  This command was specifically for the Hebrews at a specific time in history.  But we need to ask, is God just being mean here, or is this another example of His tough love?  You see, God desired to keep his people pure. He knew that when the consequence for an action is severe enough, we will avoid it with all costs.  When we sin, it is because we don’t believe the consequence of that sin is that big a deal.

The Bible is clear:  Sin leads to death.  It can lead to spiritual death, AND can lead to premature physical death for you or for others around you.  Adam’s one sin caused all of mankind to be born of the sinful nature.  But even one man’s sin (even today) can cause many others to fall into sin.  God was striving to keep sin from taking hold on his people.  Thus, if people truly feared the punishment it would be far less likely that someone would get so far out of hand that they would have to be put to death. 

Now, we have the Holy Spirit alive in believing mankind today, and that Spirit restricts sin from getting out of hand.  The PRINCIPALS we are to take from this today is this:

1. Sin is serious and has consequences

2. Training up Godly children is THAT important. 

Let’s take a look at scripture and see what specifically does God instruct us concerning Children.

CHILDREN ARE A BLESSING

Psalm 127:3-5 ESV - Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Good kids are like a reward.  Blessed is he who had many kids!  Guys, you want to be blessed by God…have lots of kids.  It’s true!

Matthew 19:14 NIV - Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

Children were not just a burden, but a precious gift to God.  And they should be to us as well.  Single ladies, if you are dating a guy who has no passion to raise kids, don’t marry him with the intention of having kids.  Don’t think that “Well, he will deal with it—one day he will want them,” or “Having them will kick in his fatherly instincts.”  If he is too focused on other things, and does not desire a family, he will then not desire to lead his family in a godly way. 

Parents that desire to be parents are key, BECAUSE, in scripture we given a specific command:

We are to Train Up Our Children

Proverbs 22:6 NIV – Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

We are commanded to not just take care of our children’s needs until they are 18.  Rather, we are to TRAIN UP our children.  It is an active role, not passive.  Too many people take a passive role and just hope their children turn out okay.  And even some think “Oh, they are going to just do want ever they want despite what I say anyway, so why fight it.”  How we raise our kids in the little ways GREATLY affects how they turn out.

I know using the ‘H-word’ is not popular in many circles today, but the reality is, that we all need to ‘Homeschool.’  We are commanded by God to train up our OWN kids.  It is an ‘evil thing’ that so much of what a child grows up learning has been taken out of the home.  I am NOT saying the Bible directs us not to send your kids to public school.  BUT we are commanded to raise our kids with godly values!  They will not get those values at public or even private schools.  

All day long children of believers spend time with people of strongly opposing values—no wonder Christian kids are often just as messed up morally as secular kids.  The reality is, that if your kids do go to public schools, you need to do even MORE to oppose the values they are learning there.   As a parent, your job is to do ‘preemptive strikes’ against values you know they might hear at school, on the playground, on TV, etc.  We need to tell them how all things wer created by and for Him—not by ‘chance’ as their science teachers will strive to convince them.  We have to emphasize that it is best for us to save ourselves sexually entirely for marriage—that our lives will be better if we do. 

Also note that it is our job, not the church’s, to train up your children!  Can the church as a whole help you?  Absolutely—and they should!  But if Sunday mornings is the only time you children are being training in the Bible, it is NOT enough!

We are to train them up by teaching—NOT the wisdom of the world—but God’s Commandments.

Deuteronomy 6:5-9

5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Our training should be regular; day and night.  That is how it becomes the foundation of our homes.  Don’t believe the idea that we will “annoy” our kids with so much God talk.  Make learning about God daily Normal in your home!

We are to use Scripture as the Primary source of Truth and Authority

2 Timothy 3:14-17

14 But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, 15 and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

From their infancy, we should be training our kids in scripture.  Scripture memorization is so important at a young age.  And the best way to help your kids to be daily readers in the Bible later in life is to raise them daily reading their bible.  Scripture is what they need!  Can we use other sources to train them up?  Yes, but be careful they are biblical!

Why should we do this?  So that our kids will be “equipped to do good things (vs. 17).”  We are training them to be bold and effective servants of our Lord!

Training Up our Children is a Command for Fathers

Ephesians 6:4 NIV - Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Another version:

Ephesians 6:4 ESV - Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

There are two parts of this command.  First, that we are to be careful how we raise our children.

Colossians 3:21 NIV - Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

Dads, sometimes we feel our primary goal is to toughen up our children.  Scripture it gives us this instruction to be careful with our children not to exasperate them—frustrate them—so that they will be disheartened—to push them so hard that they grow cold towards us or God.  We need to show them that we AND God loves them no matter what!

But more importantly what we can’t miss in Ephesians 6:4, is that we as “fathers” need to be training our kids.  Fellow fathers, WE are commanded in scripture to be the primary person to train up our children in the Lord!

Does this mean that the mom’s shouldn’t also be helping?  Absolutely not.  Husbands and wives need to work together to raise godly children.  This verse DOES mean that if the Father is not actively, even daily involved in training up our children for the Lord, then we are doing something wrong!

We are to Train them Directly AND Indirectly

Teach them directly with direct efforts and goals—designated times and material—to train them up.  But also train them by indirectly, with your godly examples.  We are to love God ourselves, and thus be a godly example by committing ourselves to His commands.  If we see our kids struggling with something, first make sure you are living rightly in that area!  There used to be an old commercial that said “Parents who use drugs, have kids that use drugs.”  We don’t like to acknowledge it, but kids who have problems with things, often (not always, but usually) reflect parents with the same problems.  Be a good example of a husband or wife; of love; of respect; of responsibility with money, of patience with them, etc.

Training Up Children Includes Discipline

In our confused world, it might seem odd that a child who grows up in a home without discipline, actually grows up feeling unwanted and unworthy.  They of course will also lack direction and self-control, and have no respect for any authority, including God’s authority through scripture.  The reality is, that if you do not discipline your kids, YOU are in a significant way part of their destruction.

Proverbs 19:18 - Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.

Don’t be fooled by the world that is discouraging true discipline at every turn!

·         *Proverbs 23:13 ESV - Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.

·         Proverbs 29:15 ESV - The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

·         Proverbs 13:24 ESV - Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

·         Proverbs 22:15 ESV - Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

·         Proverbs 29:17 ESV - Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.

When we think of discipline in scripture, the idea should be one whole thought, but often it comes across as one of two different concepts:

1.      Punishment  (or)

2.      Training up

The idea of ‘punishment’ is dangerous.  Too often it can be seen as “getting what you deserve.” As parents our goal is never to just ‘punish’ them for what they have done wrong. Rather the ultimate goal is to train them to respect authority, so that ultimately they will grow to obey and respect God’s authority.

Training them up Includes Physical Discipline

Don’t believe the lie of the world that physical discipline is unnecessary or evil.  Spanking, swats, flicks, firm hold on the wrist, can all be done in a loving way.  God used APPROPRIATE discipline to teach his people in the Old Testament.  Appropriate physical discipline and physical rewards, are a way of introducing spiritual discipline and spiritual rewards to our kids!

Let me say this though.  Physical discipline must always come when you are calm.  This is so hard for all of us.  They must know that discipline is a part of God’s love for them, NOT a part of anger.  So if you are in any way furious with them, tell them their punishment will come shortly.

Training them up Includes Mental Discipline

We are to teach our kids to memorize; to know how to read scripture and understand it; to think through situations biblically; and Especially to evaluate MORALITY.  We need to train our kids to ask “What biblical command applies in this situation.  Stop the TV every once in a while and ask, “Was what they did right or wrong, and why?”

Training Up Includes Celebrating with your Children

A part of discipline MUST include celebration.  Celebrate whenever you see unsolicited Christ-like behavior—when they do something right or kind without being asked.  Make charts where they can get a quarter when they are caught doing right, or check off one of 20 boxes and then get to do something they have been asking to do.  Don’t forget to make good eye contact with them and tell them you are “proud of them” and appreciate “how hard they have worked” (versus just “You did a good job”).

Titus 2 is a key passage with this topic.  It is often used for marriage talks, but I think the primary picture it gives, is that of the whole family with the kids, so I saved it for today.

We are going to take it a verse at a time:

Titus 2:1-8 NIV

1 You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. 2 Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. 3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. 6 Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. 7 In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness 8 and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.

The passage starts with the big idea:   (text below in (parentheses) are translated words from other versions to help flush out the ideas)

1 You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine.

Teach what agrees with “sound doctrine” – in other words what the Bible says is true.  Take out as much of our secular culture as you can!

Then it talks to older men:

2 Teach the older men to be temperate (sober-minded, not angry or emotional), worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. (they are steadfast)

Men, do these things describe us?  Which one are you weakest in?

Then it talks to older women:

3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers (those who talk ill of everyone and everything) or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.

Women, does this describe you?  Which one are you weakest in?

What should older women teach to younger women…to our children?

4 Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject (submissive) to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Are we teaching our girls how to love and respect their husbands?  How to really love and sacrifice for their kids?

Teach them to should be self-controlled—to know how to say “that’s enough” in any area of life.  That is what leads them to being pure.

Teach them how to be busy at home.  I don’t believe it forbids women from working outside the home.  But it DOES make it clear that the home should be a primary value in their life.  Making our house a “home” needs to be a priority for the wife.  Teaching our girls how to do that means we are being a good example of it!

Teach them to be Kind—to love people and treat all people with compassion

Teach girls to be subject / submissive to their own husbands.  How can we do that, moms?  By being submissive to ours!

All of these are important so that no one will malign the word of God---speak against it.

Wow, women, scripture tells you to be submissive so that God’s Word is respected.  If Christian women can’t even be submissive to their husbands, why should anyone be submissive to God’s Word?

And what is key for younger Men?

6 Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled.

Here again, teaching our young men to be self-controlled is SO key!  Self-control is one of the most important things to teach our kids. It will teach them to have “everything in moderation.” I think we have many addictions today because we don’t teach that.  How can they live as believers if they can’t control their actions?!

We can teach them self-control by:

o   Helping them recognize their impulses

o   Giving them Boundaries

o   Helping them have Strategies to not cross those boundaries

7 In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness 8 and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.

We are to be a model of good works!  We are to be examples for our kids, other’s kids, other people, everyone!  You are to do that “in your teaching.”  Scripture instructs us to be teaching!  No parent is an exception to that.

·         Show…in all things [righteous lives that cannot be put to shame]!

·         May they have nothing evil to say about us!

In closing, please allow me just a few topics that are increasingly important to teach our children about (other than the person and work of Christ!).

Teach them about Authority

It is interesting that the Ephesians 5 passage shows the line of authority that every man is to recognize.  One of the most important things to teach a child is that they are always under God’s authority, and, thus always under some earthly authority as well.  And that authority is for our own protection.

Thus teaching them to respect earthly authority is a PART of teaching them to respect God’s authority.  If they don’t respect your authority as parents, they won’t respect God’s authority in the Bible.  Mom, you are a picture of submission in how you treat your husband.  Husbands, you are a picture of God’s love for us, as to how we love our wives. 

Teach them about Purity

In 1 Peter 3, we saw Peter’s instruction to wives to be pure. This reflects what we were meant to teach our children about purity (especially sexual).

• Ages 0-5 - God gave you your body as something beautiful.  There is nothing dirty about it.  Parents, we do that by using anatomically correct terms.
• 6-9 – Teach them about modesty—what is and is not appropriate.  Teach them hygiene.
• 10-13 – Talk to your kids about their desires.  Desires are beautiful but have their place
• 14 and up – Talk about the values of a committed relationship and marriage

Teach them it is Good to Suffer for God

1 Peter 2:20 - But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God.

To see bad things in life as ways we can honor God will greatly increase your children’s love for God and their effectiveness in building the kingdom of God!