Monday, September 9, 2013

The Biblical View of Entertainment

The Biblical View of Entertainment
07-21-13

Introduction
There is a common theme in many movies today…It is a fear of something that at one time we thought would never hurt us…and then it turns on us. 
And that enemy?  Technology!  Many of us have at least have heard of the premise of The Terminator movies—machines gain a consciousness, and then go after humans. 
And though these accounts are clearly science fiction, the idea that technology can hurt us, even spiritually, is not that farfetched.  Is there anything that we invite in our lives openly, that later, sometimes without our knowledge, become our enemy?

Colossians 3:17
And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

This verse gives us two major truths:  (I’m going to start with the second)

1. God gives us things in which to be thankful!
This verse assumes good things in our lives—things that we will enjoy.  In the Westminister Catechism, an early church statement of faith, it says:  “Man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.”  Our entire purpose of living is to glorify God and enjoy Him!  To enjoy what He has given us—all of creation.  God wants us to look at nature and be encouraged; to enjoy the food He grows…to enjoy the people he brings into our lives…and to do it all in thanks!
We should constantly be giving thanks to God for what he has provided, because it is all from Him!

James 1:17
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

If it is good, it is from God!  Anything good in your life is directly from God.

Enjoying What God has given us, definitely includes fellowship with each other!  In fact scriptures encourage us to spend regular time in fellowship…just encouraging each other by being around each other.  Who is it in your life that getting together with them is just a huge relief; you just naturally relax and can feel at ease. (notice I did not say to “just be ourselves”;  that is NOT our problem today.  However, we DO put the weight of the world on our shoulders.


2. Secondly, according to Col. 3:17, All our activities should please God!
I often laugh when I hear political commercials.  They now always end with “this message was approved by….”  It is like saying “this commercial was done in the name of…”  To do something “in the name of [someone]”, is to do it to please them, or honor them. 
For example, when we give a donation to a cause, often we do it “in the name” of someone.  Another example is when in the medical or financial world when we make someone a “power of attorney.”

An Ambassador to another country speaks to that country’s leadership, only on behave of his leadership back home.  The Bible says that WE are ambassador’s for God!  We speak on behave of Him to the lost of this world.  To do anything in the name of Jesus means that that thing would only bring glory and honor to God.

And what are we to do in the name of Jesus?  Everything!  But We need to acknowledge that SOME things bring him glory, and some don’t.  So far this is not a new concept to most of us, but we have to acknowledge that there is contradiction in most believer’s lives.

We have a significant dichotomy today!  What we say and do, don’t often match up.  And more than that, we often don’t intend for them to.  Many powerful people have lost their jobs because of what they have done on their “free time.”  Their reasoning is: “I can do whatever I want on my free time, and it won’t affect how I do my job.”
We often think the same is true with our walk with God.  I get “breaks” where I can do anything I want’ and it won’t affect the rest of my life living as a believer.  It’s just not true!

We make certain things an exception
One of those things is definitely entertainment, especially movies.  I want to be straight forward here: Watching movies CAN be a sin!  There have been times that during watching the movie, I realize that this is NOT wholesome…I then have the choice to leave it on…or turn it off.

Philippians 4:8 NIV
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

We could spend time going through each of these, but you are going to do that in small groups in a moment.   
But let’s look at the big concept here:

This verse is saying: Morally Neutral isn’t enough!  Why Not?  Paul talks about in 1 Cor. 8:8, that certain things are morally neutralThings like alcohol, money, food, etc. are morally neutralBut Paul points out that those morally neutral things CAN be used to make us or other people fall into sin. 
He goes on to say in 1 Cor. 9:19, & 22:

1 Corinthians 9 NIV
19 Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible.
22 To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some.

We have a higher expectation than just living morally neutral lives (as if that existed).  We are to live GOOD lives, in order to reach the lost


We are under the influence of what we spend time doing. 
God makes it clear that he does not want us to be under the influence of nonbelievers—immoral thinking.  Yes, He wants to associate with them, as Jesus was our example and ate with the worse of sinners, but scripture is also clear that we need to stay away from compromising relationships.

2 Corinthians 6:14-15
14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?

Belial, means “one who extremely low.”  Obviously it refers to the Devil.  He asks, what does a believer have in common with a non-believer?  Often people use the excuse of being around non-believers in order to witness to them, but then they just blend it, and are no longer a witness!  We should be living for God in all things!  It should always be clear at all times who we worship?

In 1 Cor. 15 NIV Paul is arguing the idea that ‘of course’ we will be resurrected again, otherwise:

32…If the dead are not raised, "Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die." 33 Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character." 34 Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God--I say this to your shame.

The people they were hanging out with, was affecting their theology, to the point that they no longer believed that we will be resurrected someday.  In the statement, Paul is saying that what we do on earth DOES effect eternity.  He reminds his audience that being around “bad company”, or ‘ungodly influences’ corrupts the Christian heart and destroys their character.  We are tempted to do things that we would never do if around those who also believe and live for God.
It is the idea we get from the phrase “Garbage in, garbage out.”  There was a great song they played on the radio with this term, but they didn’t play it for long because people apparently got annoyed with it.  But it was so true!  I think it has to do with not wanting to be reminded of what we do wrong. 

Proverbs 4:23 NIV
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.


Entertainment is enjoying what God has given us!
The ‘pursuit’ of happiness is NOT a goal God has given us.  Rather, it is to see the great things God has already given us!

Hebrews 13:5
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

His promise to stay true to His promise should give us great joy!  Not money.  Not things!  But we often don’t see what we have.  Most of us have heard the song, though we may not recognize it from the title:

Big Yellow Taxi
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot
With a pink hotel, a boutique
And a swinging hot spot

Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got
Till it's gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

They took all the trees
Put 'em in a tree museum
And they charged the people
A dollar and a half just to see 'em


Entertainment Rebellion
But the reality is that the pursuit of entertainment IS something that is a serious danger to believers.

Matthew 6:24 NIV
No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.

Make no mistake, ‘Entertainment’ is a ‘god’ or ‘master’ in our lives.  We can serve him, or we can serve the one true God.
Let’s start by just being honest with ourselves. Too often we look forward to being entertained, more than we do time with God, or even his people.  Being addicted to our phones, social media, TV—it is severely handicapping the Church today. 
Instead, we need to have an “Entertainment revival.”  Take a look at your live.  First of All, keep in mind that each part of our lives should be honoring to God. So think about what you watch, read, and see online. 
We need to ask “why?”  Is it because we are addicted to entertainment? 


Should Christians be on social media?
I believe the simple answer is yes, because people are there.  I believe the call of scripture is to go where people are, and be a light to the world
Once again, we need to be the influence, not them.  Be the positive influence online, in comments, what you post, etc.  I have told people before that, based on what they have posted, they are seen as “nominal Christians, at best.”  Through social media I have prayed for people, remind people of scriptural truths, etc.
But remember that social media has its dangers.  It can be addictive—we can’t go a day without it.  It can lead us away from Christ, either theologically, or simply just because of
“A great rule:  Don’t go online, until you have [spent time with God].”  This can be a good practce to make sure we are spending time with God, and not letting technology interfere.   At other times, we can simply pray before you go online for God’s will and protection. 


My job as a pastor is to do two things:
·         Help point out Biblical Truth / Reminding of truth
·         Encourage you to do something with it in your lives

The problem is that there becomes an underlying expectation for pastors and church services in our society.  And that is: To entertain the audience—to ‘put on a good show’, so that people walk away with ‘how cool the service was.’  Sometimes this fanes, or tries to come across as, ‘motivation’, but in a way that really dis-serves people, and only feeds our addiction to be constantly motivated, but have little to no action in a response.
Unfortunately there are many pastors and churches out there that have fallen prey to this demand for entertainment.  Their worship leaders focus more on quality, than life-change.  It seems that their job is to entertain you in a way, that you feel you have spent some real time God.  Unfortunately, there are too many that have given you an emaciated shadow of a god that does not even look like the God of scripture

The Cause? 
It is caused by the age old problem of man wanting to only hear what they want to hear, and see what they want to see.  It is not just Ignoring biblical truth, but putting in its place something that only because addictive in and of itself, and actually pulls us away from God.
We have a strong draw towards entertainment.  Scripture most often refers to it as laziness—which is simply define by NOT doing what we should be doing.  I think what scripture says about Laziness also says much our culture that is drawn towards constant entertainment

Our Struggle in the Chasm
Apparently Aristotle said that all virtue could be defined as a Golden mean, or ideal, between two vices. 

Boring…..Arresting…..Amusing

It is clear that church should not be boring.  Often we as church leaders contribute to that end, in our week-to-week planning from un-inspired hearts.  I even wonder how often God sits in our services in America and says “I’m bored.”  Essentially, ‘boring other people’ can actually be a form of sin.  Wasting time, when we should be using our time wisely for God, is sin.

But then there is the other extreme:  to be merely amusing.  I think of Blue Man Group.  I don’t know if they ever come to valley, but one of their shows is the epitome of “pointless entertainment.”  Many churches (larger) border on merely amusing. 

Think of the word “a-muse-ment.”  “Muse” means to reflect and ponder on something.  “a” in front makes it the absence of reflection.  Amusement is a way of avoiding anything that would stimulate or exercise our minds in a way that will stretch us or grow us.  Though not all amusement is bad.  It takes us away from any fear or anxiety for a period of time, that otherwise might consume our thoughts. 

In the way of our time of worship, amusement just wastes our time.  Once again, to entertain people and not lead them to worship, when our whole goal is to have a “worship service,” it means we are sinning against God, and leading other people to sin.  (We often call our music leader our “worship leader”, but the reality is that both Joe and I are “worship leaders”).  Spending time in prayer, listening to a message, is all ‘worship’ for the audience if it means you are considering God.  I take it very seriously, that if I am not leading you to worship God, than I am failing as a leader.

Instead, in our lives, we want to always head towards “arresting.”  This means to stimulate the mind towards what is good and true! Our Worship Services should be arresting!  It is doubtful we would ever experience the power of the Holy Spirit moving in us and say “that was boring.”  To arrest someone’s attention is to cause them to take serious notice.  It is to awaken then from the drone of life, as if waking up a sleep-walker
For instance:
·         When we notice something is truly beautiful
·         When we see a knew truth that we have never seen before, or never seen it in that light before
·         When we hear a cry out of joy, or hope
·         When someone accepts salvation and goes from death to life

A Challenge for You:
This week, record everything you do with technology, and how much time you spend on it.

Then ask what things in my week were:

Boring…..Arresting…..Amusing

When My Spouse Lets Me Down

What do I do When My Spouse Lets Me Down?

(this topic was part of our Marriage & Family Series, on 7-14-13)

Often counselors and pastors hear from Women:  “I just can’t give any more.”
Often men say “She just keeps changing and is not the woman I married!”

Heartache in marriage is expected; it comes along with the real joys marriage can bring as well.  Our spouse will fail—expect it in an understanding way.  When couples say they have troubles, and are close to breaking up, I think there are 3 questions that need to be asked.  

Three questions That Can Transform your Marriage
ü  Do you believe that there is a God?
ü  Are you willing to apply the principles of God's Word to your life?
ü  Will you pray for the Spirit of God to strengthen you and your spouse?

If the answer to those three questions are truly “Yes” for both partners, than we can say that God will absolutely save their marriage.  Troubled marriages are often not redeemable because they can’t say yes to one of the above statements. 


Here are several things to keep in mind when your spouse lets you down.

1.      Choose to love them, first and foremost
You know you have faults, and have messed up before.  Expect that they will too, and love them through it.  Hold your Relationship more dear than the issue!  We argue to the point we want to be right, not reconciled/  Keep in mind that you still need to love each other.  Sometimes loving them is letting them be right!

2.      Choose to Forgive them
“Forgive and Forget” is a well-worn phrase, and probably doesn’t mean much to many people.  It is definitely easier to say than to practice.  If you are married, without a doubt there has been times your spouse said or done something that wounded you.  I KNOW I have wounded my spouse many times.  And I know each time she has to build up a callous there that is almost impossible to remove. 
We need to choose to forgive our spouse BEFORE we even talk to them about it!  To be married “til death do us part” means we will have to forgive them many times!  Forgiveness means we give up the right to punish our spouse.  Know the value of “advance forgiveness”—choosing ahead of time that I will forgive her no matter what.  That kind of unconditional forgiveness is supernatural—it comes from the power of the Holy Spirit.

  1. Deal with Your Emotions
Handle your Negative Emotions Responsibly.  When we act emotionally, we often say things that we very much later regret.  Sometimes we need to delay the conversation for later.  Respect the need to “take five,”  to take a few minutes break to collect our thoughts. 

4.      Choose to be Responsible for your Spouse
This does not mean to be the police for them.  Nor does it mean to just catch them messing up and point it out.  Too many spouses are ready to pounce!  That is NOT love.  Rather, it is to say “I choose to take it on myself to help my spouse and do what I can to help them succeed.”  We will mess up!  Don’t be so surprised.  See our lives as an ongoing battle and strive to work through it together.

  1. Discuss it!
Don’t start without your spouse!  Come up with a designated time to discuss any issues.  Ask THEM when they would like to talk.
Deal with One Issue at a Time
For example:  A husband goes to a doctor and says, “Every time my wife and I get into a fight, she gets historical.” 
“Don’t you mean hysterical?” asked the doctor. 
“No,“ he replied. “I prefer hysterical. That’s momentary. She gets historical. She reminds me of everything I ever did wrong.”

We like to use “the guilt” card!  It is an evil weapon.  We tend to launch into a long list of offenses—don’t!  It means you have not forgiven when you should have.

Give each other time to talk.  Most of the time our perspective is wrong, or just different.  We don’t even try to gain their perspective on the matter.  Repeat what they are saying back to them, so as to show (and make sure) you are really hearing what they are saying.

Listen to what they say!  Have you ever walked up to someone at an event, and as you begin talking, he or she nods and makes polite sounds, but is clearly elsewhere in spirit? He scans the crowd while he's standing with you. Or she peeks around your shoulder as if to say, "I wonder who else is here." It's chilling to be on the receiving end of such treatment. It's bad enough when it occurs at a social or business gathering, but it can be devastating in a marriage.  Look them in the eye, repeat what they said, and what they really mean.  Try to have some NONE multi-tasking time—focus on them.

  1. Be Appreciative
"Thank you."-- Two words spouses don't hear often enough––from one another:
"Thank you for being my love."
"Thank you for working so hard for our family."
"Thank you for supporting me."
"Thank you for being you."
Gratitude is not an option. It's actually God's will.   As the apostle Paul reminds us in 1 Thes. 5:16-18, ". . . give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  Resentment and judgment cannot exist in the same space with appreciation.


  1. Sincerely pray for them daily!

More than just a “I hope they have a good day.”  Instead, “Lord, I pray for their heart, that they are relieved from that particularly issue going on.  Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves (Romans 12:10).

Getting My Husband to Lead

How do you get your husband to be the leader in the home?

(this topic was part of our Marriage & Family Series, on 7-14-13)

Unfortunately this is a very common question!  There are two major points I want to give anyone with this question:

First:  Talk to him!
Too many wives try to “get” their husband to do things. Wives need to sit down with their husbands and talk with them openly and directly.  Tell them what you desire to see them do.  That is a key way to respect them.
Start with describing your desire to be a good wife, and asking them what desires they have for the marriage.  If a man does not “desire” to be a Godly husband, they won’t be one!  Read the Ephesians 5 passage together, and explain you desire to be a submissive wife.  Ask “Could you help me respect you in that way, but taking on some leadership in ‘such-in-such’ area.  I desire to follow you in those areas.

Secondly, Let him lead
I believe that though the husband’s past upbringing has a huge part to play, there is a natural part of a husband that knows he needs to lead.  Other than his desire to live as God wants him to, the next reason why a husband does not lead is because the wife won’t let him lead!
Wives, if our husbands are not leading in our homes, first ask:  “Do I really want and desire my husband to lead?  Or do I want everything done my way?...”  Examine your hearts and actions—are we telling our husbands what to do?
If you do truly desire him to lead, then what should you do?  Well, do not put random marriage books around the house hoping he will read them?  And do not ask other people to talk to him?

The Answer is:  Let him lead.
Ask him to help with the decision on things in your marriage.  Some things might be:  discipline for kids, expenditures, Bible study, etc.  Be the helpmate and do what you can to help him.  Think of yourself as a “secretary” in that, if he has already expressed a desire to do something, help him to do it in a loving way, without being a “nag.”

Say to your husband here and there, “You just make the decision and I will respect it.”  And then REALLY respect his answer!  Use the words with your kids “Your dad made the decision, we need to respect it.”

Christians and Homosexuality?

Christians and Homosexuality

(this topic was part of our Marriage & Family Series, on 7-14-13)

Two weeks ago, we alluded to this question in my message.  This is a huge topic with the church today it is popularly disputed.
In this topic, there are two real issues that arise, and should NOT be confused.  Often concerning Homosexuality, these two areas are mixed, and thus create confusion.
·                  1.  WHAT is Truth?
·                  2.  HOW should we use this truth?

When Asked: “Is Homosexual Marriage Wrong?”
Many Christians unfortunately believe that the issue of Homosexuality in the Bible is a “grey” area—but it is NOT.  And some bring into the conversation that God really made people homosexual.  It’s not true, and not even scientifically backed.  Genesis 2, and where it is repeated in the NT, makes it clear that God created marriage to be One Man, for One Woman, for One lifetime.  Romans gives even more detail:

Romans 1:26-27
26 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.

The Homosexual relationship is a perversion of God’s beautiful plan.  And thus it is a sinful lifestyle, just as any inappropriate relationship would be with another person. 

Addictions
Because of our sinful nature and our sinful world, we can be drawn towards addictions.  I don’t see any reason to doubt the studies that some genetics can actually be more drawn towards certain addictions.  Some are more likely to be drawn towards drunkenness.  Most of this is because they have seen that behavior displayed, but there is SOME physiological draw towards this addiction. 
That draw we can have is not a sin.  Rather, when we act on that draw, then it becomes a sin.  For instance, a person can be drawn to be a drunk driver, but if they engage in that behavior, it is wrong.  They cannot blame it on “That’s just the way God created me.”  Another example is how a man can be drawn to cheat on his wife, but he cannot say “That’s just the way God created me.” 
Similarly, a person can be drawn to be attracted towards a person of the same gender, but it can still be (and is) a sin when they actually engage in that lifestyle, just as it would be a sin to have sexual relations with a person in which you are not married. 

So now the second question:  How should we now stand for this truth?
Many actually believe that we should just never bring up the topic of homosexuality in our churches, and make it a non-issue.  I agree that homosexuality SHOULD NOT be an issue when it comes to evangelism and the church being a welcoming community.  One day, when we have the café and weekly church services there, and a homosexual couple walks up, obviously we would not say “Sorry, we don’t serve their kind here.”  Rather, we treat them like anyone else who needs the gospel!!

However, any sin that is openly practiced among believers, becomes that little “yeast in the bread” – a Biblical phrase for how a little sin breads more sin.  So when we see sin among the believers, we lovingly make it known, ask for confession of it, and then try to keep them accountable to do better in the future. 
Sense it is clear that Romans shows homosexual activity to be wrong, would we not also deal with any openly practiced homosexuality among the believers, as we would any sin? 
Would we allow an openly gay couple to join our worship service? 
Absolutely. 
Would we allow a gay couple to become members or take key serving positions in the church?
Well, let me ask:  would we allow someone who was cheating on their spouse to become a member without first working through those issues?  Of course we wouldn’t. 


Homosexuality is NOT the unforgivable sin, but rather God sees it just as he sees countless other sins…as a danger for us and His church.  Homosexuality IS sin, and should be made known in the church just like any other sin.

Talking to Our Teen About Sex

How do you talk about sex to a young teenager?

(this topic was part of our Marriage & Family Series, on 7-14-13)

Proverbs 22:6 - Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Teach Proper Relationships from the Start
Scripture clearly tells us that the process of teaching proper relationships should start when children are youngWe can teach our kids appropriate relationships with the opposite gender right away.  For example, we might show that there is appropriate kisses, and in appropriate kisses.  We can also teach appropriate male female relationships by borrowing from nature.  We can show how birds always have one mommy and one daddy bird for life. 

Be the Example of Right Relationships
As parents, we need to purposefully display behavior that is appropriate.  Every time we interact with our spouse in a loving way, we are teaching kids about appropriate relationships, and how one should treat the other.  Our behavior with other people who are not our spouse is as equally important.  So model appropriate touch, conversation, respect, etc.  They will learn more from our modeling than from what we say (though both are important). 

Use Regular Opportunities
Opportunities can happen on the fly; in the car, around the dinner table, or even a comment you might make during a movie.  For instance, during wrestling time, my girls know there are areas of our bodies that I don’t touch them, and areas they don’t touch me.  When they are curious and test the boundaries of touch, we shouldn’t get angry with them, but rather just say that is ‘not okay’  (and remind them that no one should ever touch them in certain areas).

Plan Some Opportunities
Some conversations are best done purposefully and one-on-one.  They need a specific time planned without distraction.  Talk with your spouse and find a time to do that.  Perhaps go out on a one-one-one date with each of your kids to talk with them over ice cream. 

Teach Young, but be Age-Appropriate
When we teach about sex, detail is not necessary at first.  We need to teach our children that “Sex is something God created as an activity between only a husband and wife, that often produces babies.”  Tell them:  “God created sex to be only for marriage.”  It is important that we point out that it was God that made it this way—one man, with one woman, for one life time.  To break this is to disobey God. 

Create a Safe-zone feeling
You kids will decide early-on whether or not they will trust you with personal questions.  They will determine this by how well you answer their questions about anything.  Do you verbally warn them off, or do you welcome their questions?  You can also facilitate this by not looking uncomfortable when sex comes up.  Treat it as if it is normal and a beautiful thing.  Answer questions as directly as you can, without being inappropriate for their age.  No question should be rejected, though you may say “we should talk about that another time.”

With Teens, the direct approach is usually best

This is said often, but often we don’t practice it.  Go out on a “date” with one child/teen at a time, and have some topics / questions ready.  Most teens will roll their eyes or be comfortable at first.  One way to make conversations are more natural, is to bring up the topic with curiosity.  (Often the best way to bring up any conversation, is by asking for their opinion).  Ask them: “What do you think are the most commonly talked-about topics among teenagers.”  “Do you think teens talk about sex as much as rumor has it?”  “What do most teens think about sex?”  “What behavior do you think is appropriate for people who date?”  “What have you decided is appropriate for you?”

A Plan to Raise Godly Children

A Plan to Raise Godly Children

(this topic was part of our Marriage & Family Series, on 7-14-13)

If you are a parent that truly desires to raise Godly kids and want to be active in your role, then I want to help you to do that.  This is ONLY a Possible plan that you can utilize if you so choose…but do SOMETHING!

· 
Set a weekly 20 minutes to talk about the Kids with your spouse.  The goal is to talk about this week’s plan—the next following steps).  Remember that no amount of time is too much to raise Godly kids!  So commit to spend that time to plan with your spouse.
·         
Read the Bible personally.  If you personally are not reading your Bible, than that is something you need to first commit to.  Set your daily time and keep it!  And don’t be afraid to let your kids see you model this commitment.  
·         
Set a time to read the Bible with your kids.  Your children also needs their daily time in God’s word.  Find a children’s Bible and read a story every day.  And then talk about it with your kids.  OR find a curriculum that you can use daily.  For example:  “Long Story Short” is only $10 on kindle, $18 paperback.  In 3 years it walks your kids through the entire Bible!
·         
Challenge Bible memory.  As a family, memorize One verse a week.  Print it during your prep time, post it a few places in the house.  And practice it during meals. 
·         
Work on a Current Struggle.  What are your kids’ current struggles?  Pick one to work on each week.  Find resources from your pastor or trusted resource.  Find scripture that talks about this issue, and maybe use it as your weekly verse to memorize.  You can even set-up a ‘challenge’ system that week (reward system).

Side note:  Helping points on Parental Discipline:
·         Be on the same page as your spouse.
·         Sit down with your spouse ahead of time and discuss the rules/rewards & consequences.

·         Stick to those rules, and keep each other accountable.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Training Up Godly Children

Training Up Godly Children – “Building a Godly Quiver”
07-07-13

Introduction
Training up children is an extremely important topic to me.  Not only is education and discipleship is my passion, but I think we can trace the breakdown of our society to the disintegration of godly parenting.  Parenting is no doubt a challenging adventure.  But it also can be one of the most rewarding tasks we will ever seek to do.
I hope it is a foregone conclusion that YOU DESIRE to raise Godly children.  Proverbs is full of verses talking about what happens when you don’t train up your children well—how they become a great disgrace, burden, and sorrow for their parents.  Parents look back and ask why they didn’t dedicate more of their time earlier on to raising their children better.  Let’s do all we can to have no regrets in parenting our children.

CHILDREN ARE MEANT TO GROW IN STATURE

Luke 2:52 ESV - And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man.

1 Samuel 2:26 - Now the young man Samuel continued to grow both in stature and in favor with the Lord and also with man.

Jesus and Samuel were examples of how children surrounded by Godly instruction and guidance can grow.  But it doesn’t just happen.  It takes dedication and godly examples from their parents!  Why is good parenting such a big deal?  We can easily see form scripture how a child that grows to be destructive and rebellious is a serious thing: 

Deuteronomy 21:18-21 ESV - “If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones. So you shall purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

Please know that I am in NO way saying that this is God’s command for us today.  This command was specifically for the Hebrews at a specific time in history.  But we need to ask, is God just being mean here, or is this another example of His tough love?  You see, God desired to keep his people pure. He knew that when the consequence for an action is severe enough, we will avoid it with all costs.  When we sin, it is because we don’t believe the consequence of that sin is that big a deal.
The Bible is clear:  Sin leads to death.  It can lead to spiritual death, AND can lead to premature physical death for you or for others around you.  Adam’s one sin caused all of mankind to be born of the sinful nature.  But even one man’s sin (even today) can cause many others to fall into sin.  God was striving to keep sin from taking hold on his people.  Thus, if people truly feared the punishment it would be far less likely that someone would get so far out of hand that they would have to be put to death. 

Now, we have the Holy Spirit alive in believing mankind today, and that Spirit restricts sin from getting out of hand.  The PRINCIPALS we are to take from this today is this:
1. Sin is serious and has consequences
2. Training up Godly children is THAT important. 

Let’s take a look at scripture and see what specifically does God instruct us concerning Children.

CHILDREN ARE A BLESSING

Psalm 127:3-5 ESV - Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Good kids are like a reward.  Blessed is he who had many kids!  Guys, you want to be blessed by God…have lots of kids.  It’s true!
Matthew 19:14 NIV - Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

Children were not just a burden, but a precious gift to God.  And they should be to us as well.  Single ladies, if you are dating a guy who has no passion to raise kids, don’t marry him with the intention of having kids.  Don’t think that “Well, he will deal with it—one day he will want them,” or “Having them will kick in his fatherly instincts.”  If he is too focused on other things, and does not desire a family, he will then not desire to lead his family in a godly way. 

Parents that desire to be parents are key, BECAUSE, in scripture we given a specific command:

We are to Train Up Our Children

Proverbs 22:6 NIV – Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

We are commanded to not just take care of our children’s needs until they are 18.  Rather, we are to TRAIN UP our children.  It is an active role, not passive.  Too many people take a passive role and just hope their children turn out okay.  And even some think “Oh, they are going to just do want ever they want despite what I say anyway, so why fight it.”  How we raise our kids in the little ways GREATLY affects how they turn out.
I know using the ‘H-word’ is not popular in many circles today, but the reality is, that we all need to ‘Homeschool.’  We are commanded by God to train up our OWN kids.  It is an ‘evil thing’ that so much of what a child grows up learning has been taken out of the home.  I am NOT saying the Bible directs us not to send your kids to public school.  BUT we are commanded to raise our kids with godly values!  They will not get those values at public or even private schools.  
All day long children of believers spend time with people of strongly opposing values—no wonder Christian kids are often just as messed up morally as secular kids.  The reality is, that if your kids do go to public schools, you need to do even MORE to oppose the values they are learning there.   As a parent, your job is to do ‘preemptive strikes’ against values you know they might hear at school, on the playground, on TV, etc.  We need to tell them how all things wer created by and for Him—not by ‘chance’ as their science teachers will strive to convince them.  We have to emphasize that it is best for us to save ourselves sexually entirely for marriage—that our lives will be better if we do. 

Also note that it is our job, not the church’s, to train up your children!  Can the church as a whole help you?  Absolutely—and they should!  But if Sunday mornings is the only time you children are being training in the Bible, it is NOT enough!

We are to train them up by teaching—NOT the wisdom of the world—but God’s Commandments.

Deuteronomy 6:5-9
5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Our training should be regular; day and night.  That is how it becomes the foundation of our homes.  Don’t believe the idea that we will “annoy” our kids with so much God talk.  Make learning about God daily Normal in your home!

We are to use Scripture as the Primary source of Truth and Authority

2 Timothy 3:14-17
14 But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, 15 and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

From their infancy, we should be training our kids in scripture.  Scripture memorization is so important at a young age.  And the best way to help your kids to be daily readers in the Bible later in life is to raise them daily reading their bible.  Scripture is what they need!  Can we use other sources to train them up?  Yes, but be careful they are biblical!
Why should we do this?  So that our kids will be “equipped to do good things (vs. 17).”  We are training them to be bold and effective servants of our Lord!

Training Up our Children is a Command for Fathers

Ephesians 6:4 NIV - Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Another version:
Ephesians 6:4 ESV - Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

There are two parts of this command.  First, that we are to be careful how we raise our children.
Colossians 3:21 NIV - Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

Dads, sometimes we feel our primary goal is to toughen up our children.  Scripture it gives us this instruction to be careful with our children not to exasperate them—frustrate them—so that they will be disheartened—to push them so hard that they grow cold towards us or God.  We need to show them that we AND God loves them no matter what!
But more importantly what we can’t miss in Ephesians 6:4, is that we as “fathers” need to be training our kids.  Fellow fathers, WE are commanded in scripture to be the primary person to train up our children in the Lord!
Does this mean that the mom’s shouldn’t also be helping?  Absolutely not.  Husbands and wives need to work together to raise godly children.  This verse DOES mean that if the Father is not actively, even daily involved in training up our children for the Lord, then we are doing something wrong!

We are to Train them Directly AND Indirectly

Teach them directly with direct efforts and goals—designated times and material—to train them up.  But also train them by indirectly, with your godly examples.  We are to love God ourselves, and thus be a godly example by committing ourselves to His commands.  If we see our kids struggling with something, first make sure you are living rightly in that area!  There used to be an old commercial that said “Parents who use drugs, have kids that use drugs.”  We don’t like to acknowledge it, but kids who have problems with things, often (not always, but usually) reflect parents with the same problems.  Be a good example of a husband or wife; of love; of respect; of responsibility with money, of patience with them, etc.

Training Up Children Includes Discipline

In our confused world, it might seem odd that a child who grows up in a home without discipline, actually grows up feeling unwanted and unworthy.  They of course will also lack direction and self-control, and have no respect for any authority, including God’s authority through scripture.  The reality is, that if you do not discipline your kids, YOU are in a significant way part of their destruction.
Proverbs 19:18 - Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.

Don’t be fooled by the world that is discouraging true discipline at every turn!

·         *Proverbs 23:13 ESV - Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.
·         Proverbs 29:15 ESV - The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
·         Proverbs 13:24 ESV - Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
·         Proverbs 22:15 ESV - Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
·         Proverbs 29:17 ESV - Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.

When we think of discipline in scripture, the idea should be one whole thought, but often it comes across as one of two different concepts:
1.      Punishment  (or)
2.      Training up

The idea of ‘punishment’ is dangerous.  Too often it can be seen as “getting what you deserve.” As parents our goal is never to just ‘punish’ them for what they have done wrong. Rather the ultimate goal is to train them to respect authority, so that ultimately they will grow to obey and respect God’s authority.

Training them up Includes Physical Discipline
Don’t believe the lie of the world that physical discipline is unnecessary or evil.  Spanking, swats, flicks, firm hold on the wrist, can all be done in a loving way.  God used APPROPRIATE discipline to teach his people in the Old Testament.  Appropriate physical discipline and physical rewards, are a way of introducing spiritual discipline and spiritual rewards to our kids!
Let me say this though.  Physical discipline must always come when you are calm.  This is so hard for all of us.  They must know that discipline is a part of God’s love for them, NOT a part of anger.  So if you are in any way furious with them, tell them their punishment will come shortly.

Training them up Includes Mental Discipline
We are to teach our kids to memorize; to know how to read scripture and understand it; to think through situations biblically; and Especially to evaluate MORALITY.  We need to train our kids to ask “What biblical command applies in this situation.  Stop the TV every once in a while and ask, “Was what they did right or wrong, and why?”

Training Up Includes Celebrating with your Children
A part of discipline MUST include celebration.  Celebrate whenever you see unsolicited Christ-like behavior—when they do something right or kind without being asked.  Make charts where they can get a quarter when they are caught doing right, or check off one of 20 boxes and then get to do something they have been asking to do.  Don’t forget to make good eye contact with them and tell them you are “proud of them” and appreciate “how hard they have worked” (versus just “You did a good job”).


Titus 2 is a key passage with this topic.  It is often used for marriage talks, but I think the primary picture it gives, is that of the whole family with the kids, so I saved it for today.

We are going to take it a verse at a time:

Titus 2:1-8 NIV
1 You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. 2 Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. 3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. 6 Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. 7 In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness 8 and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.

The passage starts with the big idea:   (text below in (parentheses) are translated words from other versions to help flush out the ideas)

1 You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine.
Teach what agrees with “sound doctrine” – in other words what the Bible says is true.  Take out as much of our secular culture as you can!

Then it talks to older men:
2 Teach the older men to be temperate (sober-minded, not angry or emotional), worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. (they are steadfast)
Men, do these things describe us?  Which one are you weakest in?

Then it talks to older women:
3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers (those who talk ill of everyone and everything) or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.
Women, does this describe you?  Which one are you weakest in?

What should older women teach to younger women…to our children?
4 Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject (submissive) to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
Are we teaching our girls how to love and respect their husbands?  How to really love and sacrifice for their kids?
Teach them to should be self-controlled—to know how to say “that’s enough” in any area of life.  That is what leads them to being pure.
Teach them how to be busy at home.  I don’t believe it forbids women from working outside the home.  But it DOES make it clear that the home should be a primary value in their life.  Making our house a “home” needs to be a priority for the wife.  Teaching our girls how to do that means we are being a good example of it!
Teach them to be Kind—to love people and treat all people with compassion
Teach girls to be subject / submissive to their own husbands.  How can we do that, moms?  By being submissive to ours!

All of these are important so that no one will malign the word of God---speak against it.
Wow, women, scripture tells you to be submissive so that God’s Word is respected.  If Christian women can’t even be submissive to their husbands, why should anyone be submissive to God’s Word?

And what is key for younger Men?
6 Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled.
Here again, teaching our young men to be self-controlled is SO key!  Self-control is one of the most important things to teach our kids. It will teach them to have “everything in moderation.” I think we have many addictions today because we don’t teach that.  How can they live as believers if they can’t control their actions?!
We can teach them self-control by:
o   Helping them recognize their impulses
o   Giving them Boundaries
o   Helping them have Strategies to not cross those boundaries

7 In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness 8 and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.
We are to be a model of good works!  We are to be examples for our kids, other’s kids, other people, everyone!  You are to do that “in your teaching.”  Scripture instructs us to be teaching!  No parent is an exception to that.
·         Show…in all things [righteous lives that cannot be put to shame]!
·         May they have nothing evil to say about us!



In closing, please allow me just a few topics that are increasingly important to teach our children about (other than the person and work of Christ!).

Teach them about Authority
It is interesting that the Ephesians 5 passage shows the line of authority that every man is to recognize.  One of the most important things to teach a child is that they are always under God’s authority, and, thus always under some earthly authority as well.  And that authority is for our own protection.
Thus teaching them to respect earthly authority is a PART of teaching them to respect God’s authority.  If they don’t respect your authority as parents, they won’t respect God’s authority in the Bible.  Mom, you are a picture of submission in how you treat your husband.  Husbands, you are a picture of God’s love for us, as to how we love our wives. 

Teach them about Purity
In 1 Peter 3, we saw Peter’s instruction to wives to be pure. This reflects what we were meant to teach our children about purity (especially sexual).
  • Ages 0-5 - God gave you your body as something beautiful.  There is nothing dirty about it.  Parents, we do that by using anatomically correct terms.
  • 6-9 – Teach them about modesty—what is and is not appropriate.  Teach them hygiene.
  • 10-13 – Talk to your kids about their desires.  Desires are beautiful but have their place
  • 14 and up – Talk about the values of a committed relationship and marriage

Teach them it is Good to Suffer for God
1 Peter 2:20 - But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God.
To see bad things in life as ways we can honor God will greatly increase your children’s love for God and their effectiveness in building the kingdom of God!